MwabXit

When I said my wedding vows 21 years ago I knew it was a forever thing.  No one was more surprised than me when it turned out not to be.  Divorce was never in my plans but there I was leaving with just my two kids, our clothes and no job ten years ago.  Since then I have become a whole new unmarried person.  I've learned so many lessons and become a person I love so much.  I wake up and high five myself every single day for becoming such a grown woman who knows exactly what she wants.

The pity society has placed on unmarried people is so dumb.  Society wants you to smile through the tears and accept things that are less than just so you can say you're married.  People treated me like a sad, soulless shell of a woman just because I chose to exit my marriage; the very marriage that no longer served me.  They asked me shit like, "Are you sure?" which was such an insult to my intelligence because who makes such a major decision without being sure?  I knew I was making the right decision but inside I was crumbling because my husband, marriage and children made up my entire identity.  I had to rebuild myself by finding my identity all over again.  Marriage put me on the back burner and I happily obliged.  I had to remember the things that made me happy as a twenty-two-year-old and recreate them as a thirty-something.  It took a while for the two versions of myself to collide, co-exist and align but they eventually did.

I knew without a doubt that the woman I had become had to leave people and situations that no longer served me.  I had an amazing seat at the table I set so elegantly, and I knew when to gather my things, scoot my chair out, get up and leave it.  Was I terrified of the unknown when I left my marriage? Did I have sleepless nights worried about what my children and I's future looked like?  Was I scared shitless for being the sole provider for the first time in my life and not knowing where to begin? Yes, hell yes, and oh my God yes to all of it and  300 more questions that I faced.

It's been a decade since my exit and the lessons I have learned since then have been invaluable.  I have been invited to many more seats at the table in love and the woman I am now doesn't accept every invitation I get.  I am very intentional about who I allow in my space.  I love fiercely.  I love deeply.  I love very intentionally.  The invitations I accept to the seat at the table are with partners who set my soul on fire, teach me, and reciprocate it all back to me.

The biggest lesson my divorce taught me was to not prolong my exit.  When alignment in love exits, you do too.  Of course, do the work and fix what needs fixing and can be fixed but don't force it.  If something doesn't align month 3 then it probably won't align year 3.  I'm in a decade where I go with the flow and the flow for me does not include unnecessary complications.  I don't stay in relationships, situations, and places that don't align with my purpose for a second longer than I should because that is known as breaking your own heart.

I watched Megxit last week and it reminded me of what I know.  No, Megan and Harry did not get divorced from each other but they divorced something that no longer served them.  They gathered their things and left their seat at the royal table.  It is of vital importance to gather, get up from the table and exit!  Life is short and no one needs to be laying on their death bed full of regret because they didn't exit what needed to be exited.

My first MwabXit was a decade ago and while I knew it was the right decision, I second-guessed myself a lot because of who I was back then.  There have been more exits since then and this time, I remember to leave when I go.  I have conversations with bosses, family, lovers and tell them exactly why I am gathering, standing up and leaving so we are crystal clear.  Doing this eliminates all the what-if scenarios from playing in my head and takes away the fear of the unknown and the future.  Exit conversations eliminate uncertainty because you say everything that has to be said.

I am also in my decade of unlearning.  Society has taught me to accept so much.  I've been socially engineered to believe in forever being a thing I should aspire to in relationships.  I have unlearned that and amended it to know that love is beautiful and runs its course.  Sometimes it runs its course forever with one person and more likely it runs its course until it changes its course to another direction.  This is life.  The universe self corrects and sometimes self-correcting includes changes courses.

Exit and remember to go when you leave.