Headtrips R Us
I learned the very hard way not to take everything in to keep my peace and sanity. I feel things so deeply and learning favorite colors, toys and food of very innocent murdered elementary school children will take me down to a place I cannot come back from. Having the news cycle on for hours at a time to listen to helpless parents and family members cry and ask WHY this happened to their precious children will further take me down so I choose to disengage for self care reasons.
DO NOT READ THE PARAGRAPH ABOVE AND TAKE AWAY THAT I DO NOT CARE ABOUT WHAT KEEPS HAPPENING BECAUSE I AM DEVASTATED BUT I CANNOT TAKE IN EVERY DETAIL AND REMAIN SANE.
As an immigrant that has been in the United States for very close to 3 decades, what has always baffled me and taken me on a complete headtrip is how going back to normal is expected within hours of tragedies like mass shootings. People minding their business at grocery stores, churches, concerts, schools, and movie theaters are gunned down and as soon as clean up on aisle 3 happens, windows and doors are replaced, we are expected to go back to shopping for cake mix and sitting in the very school where we were running for our lives just days ago and learn fractions.
The math ain’t math-ing and never has.
After September 11 happened and I was innocently glued to the TV watching planes fly into buildings filled with people, said people jumping out of buildings while on fire, and the buildings falling to the ground with people still in them, I learned an important lesson. I could not take it all in like that. Because I did, it took me years to board a plane again and fly. I had been flying all my life up to that point and suddenly I was paralyzed with fear. I didn’t even realize it until my heartbeat would quicken and I would sweat and feel anxiety whenever I saw planes going in for their landing as I was driving on the highway.
PTSD is not a thing taken into full consideration in this country. The expectation is get over it and carry on. There is no free therapy to help you recover. You have to figure out that you have it and find a coping mechanism. Mine has been to disengage.
Nothing changes.
The world keeps spinning.
The same scenario plays out in a different city weeks later with the same person in a different body.
We know this and nothing changes.
We hug our kids tighter, we say our prayers and go about our lives because if we don’t, what will we do?
Complete head trip.
